"I was watching You!"

I'm usually not a "quick post" blogger. Usually when I start blogging, it's a 99.99% guarantee it's going to be extremely long and potentially have ten different endings. (Can any other blogger here relate?!)

This one is going to be different, and be quick...short...(I hope, anyways.)

I was thinking about how I want to experience greater levels EVERY DAY of what God has for me. And though I've heard this before, and bla bla bla, it really hit ME today. (By "hitting" me, I mean... it became something real inside of me & not just going in one ear and out the other. It's something I am experiencing!) That is: the importance of being thankful. 


When I start thanking God for what that happened today, no matter what it was, it opens up room for more. I realized that thankfulness isn't the key to getting God to do something that He hasn't already done, it's simply recognizing how amazing God is and then in turn receiving a greater amount of hunger to see Heaven on earth, to see Jesus get the fullness of what He paid for on the cross.

Basically, it's not through our discouragement by what we didn't do, but through thankfulness and happiness about what God DID do, that we become completely happy people who experience constant increase in love, joy, and peace and see an increase of the Kingdom in our lives. :-)

So I've decided I can't let God get away with doing something good! I have to say, "I saw you there, God, I was watching you!" And thank Him for who He is and what He's done.

Colossians 2:8 ...and let your living spill over into thanksgiving.

Because He Loves Me

Time to write. So many beautiful earth-shattering and Heaven-invading events have happened lately. And as I write that very phrase, I realize "Isn't that a normal thing, now?" To see Heaven invade earth is what the one thing I am living and breathing for. My heart has been gripped by the One whose eyes know me and are full of the purest, truest, most beautiful love that I have ever known.I am changed. I can feel it in my heart, a sense it in my thoughts, I hear it in my words. Change.

I am letting the Fire out of the fireplace. I am letting go and letting God. I am beginning to understand what it means to utterly surrender, and in that, be taken violently captive by the Love of Jesus. And in that captivity, to have no other desire and delight than to love Him in return by letting my heartstrings be tuned to His heartstrings, and to have my heartbeat in rhythm with His.

From my journal today: "I am learning just how easy it is to love people when God's love lives inside of me. It's not about "getting' someone to understand something about God and do something about it, and it's not about talking someone into saying a prayer that they didn't mean. It's about having a real conversation, being real, being you, and letting Holy Spirit be Himself. I have always wanted the boldness -- to feel the burn from the aching and longing in my heart -- to see miracles and to pray for people and introduce them to Jesus. In the past, I have had the boldness to pray for people but have always been discouraged about myself during or after my attempt to offer an encounter to someone with Jesus..."

The reason why I was discouraged was because I was believing a lie. To preface this "lie," I would first like to say, lies always rob you of something. This lie was robbing me of walking in the supernatural, and the supernatural boldness to love people as Jesus did.

The lie was this: Lauren, you're not doing or saying that good enough. You just can't do anything right. You're always just doing so-so, and even when you think you give your all, you're only giving half, and still that isn't good enough. God's unsatisfied and expects so much more of you. So you're setting yourself up for failure, displeasure, disappointment, because frankly, you just can't do anything right.

I know that I am not the only one who has lived under the shadow of that kind of lie before. It's called the "You're-not-good-enough lie." Even reading those words.... it's pretty disgusting, isn't it? It's so complicated and gross! The subtle but murderous lie basically tells people that they are always missing the mark and that something is slightly wrong with them - always. What I found that lie caused me to wear was the unfitting blankets of Insignificance and Self-doubt, which is basically lack of confidence in who I am as a unique person. 


On Wednesday night, God rocked me and told me, guess what, that's a lie, And guess what, that means it's not reality! Then He showed me reality: I am standing in a wide open field in front of a tree, and Jesus is there next to that tree. I see His eyes, I can see right up close into them, even though we are standing a few feet away. His eyes pierce my soul. It's as if His eyes say 'I know about everything - all the pain, all the hurt, all the struggles.' At the same time, His eyes say, 'Lauren you are my beautiful bride and I am madly in love with who you are...come away with me and be mine!' His eyes also flood with tenderness and mercy. His eyes are full of liquid love, full of compassion, full of answers, full of hope.
There is a coat on my shoulders, and it's brown. That coat is called Insignificance. I stand before Jesus, he says, its time for that coat to be off of you. So in the vision I take off the coat and put it down next to the tree. Then I see something amazing. Jesus looks down at the coat, picks it up, and with one hand, throws it into the sky in the opposite direction - like a boomerang that can't ever come back. Jesus looks back at me and smiles. It was that easy. Then He comes up to me and starts dancing around me and sing this love song. I stand there and Jesus is rejoicing...over me.
There is another coat, he says. This coat is called Self-Doubt. And it's time for that coat to come off too. Again, I take it off, put it by the tree, and Jesus picks it up and flings it into oblivion. Then He rejoices over me. I see myself without those coats on, and I am wearing a pure white dress. I feel light and I feel free. I am free.  

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. - John 8:36

I have never felt this free before: Free to live, free to give, free to be, and free to love Jesus and love people. Oh, to be ever aware of His heart beat for his people! And so I will stay there with Jesus, in the wide open field, wearing my white dress, and leaning against the tree with Him who loves me for who I am - not for what I have done. He loves me because He Is Love.

And the rest of the story could be told like this:
Because He loves me I do what I do; 

And I do what I do because He loves me. 

Lines in the Sand

So often I try to filter my thoughts and words in this blog, but I am ready for that filter to be off. I don’t know if anyone reads these thoughts or words, but that doesn’t matter. I am realizing more and more that I can’t spend my life trying so hard to be like everybody else - every other blogger, every other writer I know. If I keep trying to write & think like everyone else, well, that would just be pretty sad. :-( Pretty soon I will be old & gray no one, not even I, would have ever known who I am.

First, I have to believe I am someone worth knowing. That value comes from God alone. Spend time with Him, and He lets us know that we're enjoyable, precious, and His prized treasure! :-) 

I want to be who I am, and just see what happens. The world doesn’t need another this person or that person, the world needs me to be me. Daddy needs me to be me. He doesn’t want me to be someone else. He likes me just the way I am because he made me just the way I am, and He enjoys me just the way I am and he has a purpose of me just the way I am. 

I have found that the more you get to know Daddy, the more you get to know who you really are. It’s like all your talents and gifts and skills that you always felt inside of you will go from shining through a little tiny light bulb to a big huge stadium of lights. 

Its time for drawing lines in the sand and decide that....

I am going to live my life being who I am and following in the footsteps of Jesus. I will tread where no one has gone before.

I will live my life free, not bound, in love, not fear, in hope, not disappointment, in joy, not depression, in purpose, not confusion, in peace, not angst, and in promise, not uncertainty, and forgiveness, not bitterness.

I am going to live my life to please God & love Him alone – trusting Him with every decision and every move that I make, and not depend on the world to hold me up, but only His hands to hold me in place…

These are the lines I have drawn in the sand. I have chosen to be who God has also chosen to be.

He chose me to radically change the world with His power & His love.

I want to live my life loving and be loved by God, discovering who He made me to be, and why He loves me so much. Could life be that simple? I say, yes indeed. It's worth a try... and so far, has left me extremely satisfied. :-) 

Now its time to see what happens....

A Lifestyle of Love

This blog could be filled with my zillions of thoughts and ideas. I am a thinker and a writer, indeed. One thing has been on my mind, however, that I must share because it sums up all the other thousands of words I have been writing and thinking through. That thought is: the meaning of lifestyle.


We create the atmosphere's we live in. We have a lot of choices to make. Oh, that's not a scary thing or a condemning thing. It's actually a freeing thing when you think about it. We are free because we have choice, and we get to choose to let the Holy Spirit flow out of us. The best thing about choice is that LOVE draws the best choices out of us in the most joyous way. We get to feel satisfied when we choose to love someone we love. It really works out quite nicely. :-)

I am just coming to realize, that we were all made for the ease of the flow of the Holy Spirit, in which all of our choices will be made according to the rhythm of His heartbeat, and all of the fruit we have will come from the seed of His Spirit inside of each one of us.

We are full of seed - we have been equipped to do every good work. His Presence is what makes the seed grow into full maturity. And oh boy, when a seed grows into a tree, that tree is unmovable, and the fruit it bears is dependable and real fruit.  A real tree can't bear fake fruit. The fruit off of trees doesn't depend on the farmer. All the farmer does is water and tend to the seed, knowing that the fruit will come.

I want to live a lifestyle full of fruit of the Spirit. I want to see the fruit of Jesus daily in my life. I want to daily experience the fullness of His presence, the fullness of what He paid for on the cross, the fullness of His love. I want this to be a lifestyle. I am tired of every other moment, every other day, every other week. I am tired of letting questions become bigger than my revelations.

I know that God has put inside of me His Spirit, and every day, thank Him that He has already given me the full ability to do every good work & love people with His love. Not because I have to or am pressured to or am trying to meet a quota, but because it is my delight. Because I love Him, and because He loves me.

Life at 200mph

I named this post "Life at 200mph" for a reason.... I feel like my life is going FASTER than it EVER has been.... and I am learning... learning... ALOT.

First of all, it's the month of May. That alone has "busy" written all over it.

Secondly, it's the month of May of my senior year. Do you know what that means? That means that everything that usually happens in the month of May is happening for the very last time in my life: high school choir concerts, art festivals, talent shows, graduation parties, classes, tests, waking up at 9:50 to go to school at 10:00! The list goes on and on and on.... and my heart is crying to enjoy and soak up every moment that I can! I don't want to miss this - these moments in my life are so precious and before I know it, they are going to zip by. I don't want to waste my time waiting for something, and miss what's happening right now!


Thirdly, I now have two jobs and need to cram in as many possible hours in per week! I need a certain amount of money by September, and will definitely have extra but want to make sure I have more than enough "extra" to still have some when I come out on the other end in May 2012. I have no doubt God will continue to provide like He always does & promises. But part of His promise comes with me stewarding my blessings, what God actually literally dropped in my lap - two times now: two awesome jobs! God's so rad!

Fourthly... the things I do in my free time, when nobody is watching. This is my alone time with Papa. This is where I receive all the wisdom I need to go throughout the day. This is where He fans the flame in my soul. This is the place that we call the secret place. It's a place that has to be guarded, a place that has to be protected, and a place that has to be free. I have decided that this secret place is the fount where all my love, personality, joy, peace, and energy will overflow. I will not let anything else overflow into the secret place. When that starts happening, things start getting in the way of me and my most precious friendship with my Jesus. It takes only a minute to clear that up - but I long for consistency. Consistency and growth. In this time when I feel like my life is on steroids and I am pulled every which way, that time with Papa is the most important thing that I will not loose. He is my foundation, my hiding place. He gives me grace for every situation. Not just for me to do "okay" but for me to be superhuman through this month and beyond.

Knowing all that He asks of me is for me to be radically, fabulously loved. And no matter how the world shakes around me, the storms of life my pass through, but to be asleep in the arms of Papa - in perfect peace - resting in the Kingdom of Love.
I'm looking forward to seeing how He shines this month! Every day is a miracle! Papa - I am going to rest inside of You! Life going so fast...is actually a synch if you're jacked up the love of God, anyhow!

"Papa, I don't need to be everything, I just need to be yours. Because, to me, being yours is everything."